Rejoice!

I've been absolutely starved during the past few days to sit in my sacred place where I slow down to study God's Word. (That, by the way, can be anywhere, but is usually at my kitchen table).
Because we are at the Easter time of the year, I chose to study the events which surround the resurrection.
My first church service to attend after Jae's funeral was our Easter Sunday Morning service. In retrospect, I should not have gone.
The worship music and sermon was all about death, victory over death, life after death,...etc. Those are all fine things to focus on unless you have just buried your very heart and soul.
I wasn't feeling very victorious over the grave.
I would have classified myself as utterly defeated.
Our Easter pictures are just plain bad ugly.
Teary eyes, pasted smiles and mementos of Jae on our lapels.

In spite of that one in 2004, I think Easter is my favorite holiday. I have found that it is not the emotional mine-field of other holidays.
Our family gatherings and crazy photo shoots will always miss her, just like they miss our other family members who are gone.
Jae's Easter basket still gets filled and left on the kitchen table but now Ralph and I eat the candy without feeling guilty.
We both will cry.
I will sit in the Easter Sunday service and sing the worship songs about death and graves and life.
Unlike I used to do, I will now pay more attention to the words as I sing each song.
And I will cry.
I will listen to the sermon for sounds of my hope.
When I hear them, I will cry.

In Matthew 28:8-10, the story is told of the women seeing the angel in the empty tomb and then given the directions to "go tell the disciples about Jesus being risen from the grave". Then, as they left with the unusual mixture of fear and joy, they run smack-dab into Jesus Himself. (Isn't that just like God to make a great thing better?)

What was His first word to them as they wrapped themselves around His feet?
"REJOICE!!"
I can just imagine Him smiling and laughing as He peels them off of His feet.
"Hurry!! Go and tell my brothers that I will meet them in Galilee!"

I notice first of all that He appeared first to the women. (Go girls!)
Then I see His words are filled with comfort and plans for those that loved him most. His disciples. Now remember,...most of them had not conducted themselves nobly and faithfully in those past few days.
But Jesus knew that His disciples were scattered, grief-stricken, broken and confused men. He was eager, and can I say desperate, to get to them?

He feels that way about me too.
And you.
He sees us looking at the graves of our loved ones and wants us to remember that there is a resurrection morning ahead of us.

"Rejoice!" is not the word that always comes to my mind when I'm at Jae's graveside, but I can take comfort from the message that He has given me through His word:
Precious in the eyes of the Lord is the death of His saints.
In the message translation, it's written like this:
"When they arrive at the gates of death, God welcomes those who love Him"

My journey through Grief has given me a desire for Heaven that I never had before.
At first, It was for selfish reasons. I wanted to see Jae.

Now, however, I look forward to wrapping myself around Jesus feet to thank Him for such an incredible plan to save our lives.

Life begins when we die.
Only God could have planned such an ending.
Only God could have planned such a beginning!
(rejoice)
(rejoice)
(rejoice)
etc....